Gaby Eugster

Where I am now?
Constantia, Cape Town with a family I am eternally grateful for and very, very lucky to still have. They are:
My husband, an incredibly supportive German Namibian, my best friend, Glenn. Boy have we seen action the last 12 years together.

My incredible daughter, my angel, artist, actress, twelve- year-old, Savanah. She is at St. Cyps. (NOT the school we remember! Better, more open-minded and proactive.) She is also Elizabeth Forster's goddaughter.

My boy, Stephen. (I know only because I gave birth to him - see pic).
A very shy, caring, gentle and sensitive boy, a blessing. An academic, brilliant at waterpolo, swimming, hockey, rugby and guitar. Very dangerous with a cricket bat. My bank balance reflects all the neighbour's letters of complaint re broken windows!

Also Rocco, the American Staffordshire Terrier, Timone, the Fox Terrier and Bo-Jangles, the fat Jack Russel. We also have Tigger, a Tygerberg wildcat(that's a story on its own and lastly, Simba, a tarty Siamese.

What do I do now?
I am committed to my family. I am determined to give them what I never had, a loving home and family. I also renovate old houses for resale, and continue to copy the Old Masters (artists) on commission.

My last 20 years?
Looking back at my school years, The inevitable happened when I left for the world. Real life, without the tools to cope.

Michaelis, UCT, Graphic Design and fine art, AAA school of advertising, 10 years in the industry, Art Director, two Gecko
awards for print and Media campaigns, blah blah...

Real terms, drinking, more drinking, two abortions, pregnant again - Savanah, married, baby number two, Stephen, still drinking, millions of psychiatrists, to try deal with my sexual abuse and subsequent anorexia at school. I had no skills to cope with traumas or difficult situations that come with life. Drink was always the answer, obviously making matters worse, but at least I could forget and be numb for a while. (I'll skip all the suicide attempts and gory details of all the "episodes" (pathetic word)).

You get the drama. Fighting, misery.

My dad (the offender) got terminally ill, had none, so My husband and I looked after him for two miserable years.(My misplaced daughterly duty)

My step-father then shot himself and my aunt (whom I lived with from the age of two till four, whilst my mom was modelling overseas) committed suicide. At a drunken party that served as my coping skills I was introduced to COCAINE. Yup. LUURRVley stuff. Numbness, euphoria, grandiosity all included.( Spent about R230 000.)

I almost lost my husband and my children, the same kids that I wanted a better life for than I had.

Last suicide attempt, almost successful.

Then I decided this was enough! I wanted to wake up happy, if just for one day, like everyone else does. I wanted a life. I wanted to be a mom, a wife, a person, without my alchaholic mother and abusive stepfather in my head, always degrading me.

I booked myself into a rehabilitation centre, Stepping Stones, in Kommetjie( next to the Local Kommetjie Bar and Hotel. Really!) ...and changed my life.

I got rid of all my hatred, anger, aggression, resentments towards my mother, sick father and Nazi stepfather. I was taught coping skills, anger management, conflict resolutions. How to put boundaries in place for myself and others. Dealt with my co-dependence, eating disorder, childhood neglect and addictions.

I was taught and experienced a Power, Greater than myself, that could help me and free me, give me hope again and show me how to love myself, for the first time. I was not a worthless, bad person. I have a mental illness, genetic chemical imbalance, I am Bipolar. I have a personality disorder caused by upbringing during childhood. With the drugs and drinking, my medication, and psychiatrist are now effective.

With the tools I've learnt and intensive four month treatment and therapy, I cope and interact with life.

Now, finally I wake up happy.

My mom recently died (she choked to death on her own vomit in a high care room opposite the nurses station, they were on tea), so, I do have bad days, but I have a Power greater than myself, I do not go on my will, but His will. (I am not a reborn Christian, but no disrespect to their faith or any other faith). I have my AA and NA meetings and fellowship that are incredibly
supportive, emphatic and brutally honest. It is easy and comforting to gain strength for my vulnerabilities. The truth shall set you free. I am what I am and I've done what I've done. If people don't like or accept me, that is their prerogative and right.

I have always been a good person, I have always been a good mother. I believe and know that now. I can look in the mirror and smile at myself. No regrets, no resentments. Love and forgiveness, hope and courage. One day at a time.

I now help save the lives of other addicts, alcoholics and abused people. I teach my children coping skills, teach them about love, forgiveness, courage, commitment, dedication. But mostly about love, hope and a Power greater than themselves. They know, they are never alone, they will always be safe and loved.

Shining moments at school?
At the time:
My sporting and academic excellence.
My exit weekends to Elizabeth and Patricia.
My first boyfriend, his phonecalls and notes, passed to his friend at Bishops to that guys sister to me) All very secret (NOT!) sorry Borat.

Less than shining?
Being hid and covered by a blanket under feet in the car, when I went to study at Nadia Dhansay's house in Mitchells Plain for a weekend during the state of emergency. I ignorantly felt very Famous Five like.

Being anorexic, crying because I as so hungry, yet too scared to eat a yoghurt because I KNEW I would get fat. DAILY DIET: 1 apple , quarter piece of toast, salad, veg. My self-loathing. Not being understood. The looks and whispers, making people uncomfortable, too afraid to trust anyone. (Ag shame.)

Being accused (correctly) of smoking as a prefect, by a bunch of hypocritical prefects who were projecting! (themselves smoking). At least I had the integrity to go to Cartwright and 'fess up, hand in my badge (there went the collection of decorations, I did look like a Christmas tree, must admit. An improvement I suppose)

Staying in touch with anyone?
Elizabeth and Trish at UCT, but that faded as I did. Did go to their weddings as well as Jane Carrington's. Incidentally, she set up a blind date for me 12 years ago. I married him. ( Instant gratification, typical characteristic of addicts and alchaholics)

Did St. Cyps prepare me for life?
Well now, let's see... ummmm... No. It must be added that neither did my parents or step parents (lost track of how many there were) Academically though I got a superb education and it has stood me in great stead (helps my homework duties too!) Also, just being at St. Cyps got me an interview and a job - selling cement bricks. I was the first female brick rep. in the WP. Minis and gumboots on site. Sales soared!

Stand out teachers?
Miss. Cable, I am still in contact.
Miss Watson, she was my surrogate mom. She was the only one who could get me to eat. Late night extra milk or cocoa, a bit of love.
Miss. Simons, A shrill yell to at me,"Not 'YA!' Yes, Miss.Simons." She was horrified by my English, fresh from Namibia
Miss. BERGMAN, God I was scared of her.
Miss, Mr. and Mrs Pamplin,: sick, sick, SICK people!
Mrs. Henk, a honey, I worked with her nephew for a while.

Life lessons?
At school, I was totally protected from life, so none, no.
Last 20 years? Drinking, drugs only make life worse. Get help. Only brutal honesty towards yourself works. Don't shit yourself. Communicate. Don't hold resentments, love yourself and remember there is always hope, and above all, know you are never not loved or alone.

Greatest hope?
To make a difference in peoples' lives, to be there when someone needs me and with God's help say the right thing, using my life as an example, to give them hope.

How different is my life now compared to what I expected?
Life was a misery and a battle. I had no dreams or expectations. I felt like a fraud, a misfit, a waste. I love life and am grateful for it now, each day is a blessing and an opportunity:

Look to this day, for it is life,
the very life of life.
For in its brief course lie all the verities and realities of existence,
the bliss of growth, the splendour of action and the glory of power.
For yesterday is but a memory
and tomorrow only a dream,
but today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and
every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

Achievements
My children.
My commission for the UN Headquarters, New York City.
My Gecko Awards.
The many houses renovated and sold at profit.
My sobriety.

email: gcragg (at) absamail (dot) co (dot) za